By Dakota Pierce
You’ve tried on three different shirts, spritzed yourself with perfume and put on your new shoes â€“ you’re ready to go out. Walking into the party, you immediately sign up for a game of beer pong and take a few shots with your friends.
Suddenly everyone around you is far more attractive and your confidence level boosts. You playfully flirt and he flirts back (it must be your outfit). You make eye contact and engage in what seems to be intelligent conversation (you’re so witty). You’ve been thrust into a world where people can read what’s on your mind, and they all act accordingly. You take another sip of your Bud Light—everything is bliss.
Alcohol, like a fairy godmother’s magic wand, euphemizes the world. But euphemisms never last forever. The Cinderella story ends when suddenly you’ve fallen on his face, and you look up to see nothing but eyelids—and reality. At this point, either you realize that you’re completely plastered, or the clock strikes midnight and you’re sobering up. Prince Charming, you realize, reeks of alcohol, could use a good shave and has a massive pimple staring you in the face. And your sexy look? Bed-head and beer stains, and you seemed to have misplaced one of your brand new shoes.
When it comes to drunken hook-ups, one question lingers in the back of your faded mind: how far is too far?
Sometimes it happens when the clock strikes midnight, sometimes not until later —mostly it’s just when the alcohol wears off—but it always hits you: the magic isn’t real. You’re not a princess, and Cinderella was just a girl playing a part with her house pets and an oversized squash.
So how far is too far? I have my answers and you have yours, but I think we can all agree that drunken hook-ups often lead to awkward situations and regrets. Sure, maybe you’ve found Prince Charming, but the clock will always strike midnight, and you might just find yourself faced with a frog.
_Look for Dakota Pierce’s new Sex and the City on a Hill column next week. E-mail comments, stories, and ideas to firstname.lastname@example.org_