By Dakota Pierce

Traveling to the land of sexile a few times each year isn’t exactly what I’d call a dream vacation, complete with a comfortable suite and gourmet food. In fact, it usually requires sleeping on the floor and bumming snacks off of a friend – but it’s not the worst thing in the world.

After all, having a miserably horny roommate around 24/7 who constantly divulges deep sexual desires can be painful. Especially in college, it’s best when everyone else is getting some.

I often find that people’s opinions of the sexile state have much to do with whether they are on the delivering or receiving end of the sexile sentence. Having personally experienced both, I’d say “sexilation” is understandable once in awhile.

However, I’m sure many of us have had the unpleasant experience of drunkenly sauntering back to our rooms, perfectly ready to pass out fully clothed, when we notice a carefully placed hair-tie, sock, ribbon (once I even saw a rubber glove) – hanging on our bedroom door. It’s the universal sign, from one roommate to the next that says: I’m having sex.

Not only do you now have a piece of unwanted knowledge – that your roommate is hooking up in your room and you’re not – but your entire floor or the rest of your house knows as well.

It’s times like these when we’re forced to slumber on hard-wood floors, unmanageably small sofa seats, or – as much as it pains me to say – in the arms of an ex. The problem with being sexiled is not when it happens, but when it happens all the time.

One certain sexiled victim, lets call her “Loveless,” is constantly asked (or forced) on any given weekend night to vacate the premises of her room.

Usually Loveless has to leave so that her roommate and some random guy can do their business.

This brings into question not only the frequency of the act, but the courtesy of the act as well. For example, I’m more than happy to leave my room so that my roommate and the love of her life (however fleeting that love may be) can get it on. I’m not, however, nearly as happy to be kicked out of my room once a week so that my roommate and some shady kid can do the nasty.

So I suppose it’s a compromise as most things are. I guess we all just have to remember that there is, as funny as it sounds, sexile etiquette, (this is important so pay attention):

One: Be courteous. You’re not the only one who lives in that room. And bringing some disgusting guy or girl — who has probably come into contact with more STDs than the health center — into the bedroom that you share, is not only sick, but a violation of your roommate’s space.

Two: Only banish your roommate for as long as you need. If you don’t need your room the whole night, then don’t take it. If you only need six minutes, as some guys do, only ask your roommate for 15. There are, however, exceptions; say, if your boyfriend or girlfriend is from out of town.