By Robert Pearl

There are a million things going on in my head right now.

It’s been a good night so far: a few drinks, some sweet talk, a few more drinks. I’m wondering how to play this one. Go for it? Play it cool? Fix up another round? Maybe another Long Island Ice Tea from the Red Room? I think that might be able to help my game.

Sleeping with someone for the first time, whether it’s some drunk girl from the bar, your latest girlfriend or your future wife, can be a delicate situation. Once excitement and nerves get going, suddenly it can be much easier to leave touchy subjects untouched. It’s easy to lean in close and whisper in her ear “you’re beautiful,” but the last thing you want to say is “you’re not going to give me Chlamydia, right?”

Every moment seems like the wrong moment to ask about condoms, pills and diseases. Somehow, you just don’t think those topics will really get her going (although it’s hard to tell if she’s enjoying the sweet nothings anyway).

So I take the easy route. I follow the path of least resistance. After all, she hasn’t brought anything up yet, so I figure that’s a green light. I mean, if she isn’t on the pill, or if she has an STD or something, she’ll let me know, right? I say nothing. I start to go and, judging by her moans, I don’t think she wants me to stop. I do the deed. No rubber, just fun. It feels okay (yeah, I’ve had better), and she seems okay with my premature ejaculation.

Shockingly, the perfection falls apart in the morning, when she wakes me up after post-coital spooning and suddenly has something she needs to tell me.


Yeah, this didn’t work out. She didn’t tell me before, and I didn’t ask. Who’s at fault? Is it me (definitely a good possibility), because I’m the guy and I should be smart enough to not be overwhelmed by the nerves of getting laid? Or is it her (uh huh), for not being honest and putting us both at risk?

In the end it doesn’t matter. It just doesn’t matter. Maybe it’s both of our faults. Maybe it’s nobody’s fault. Maybe it’s the alcohol’s fault – which I guess is both of our faults too. The point is, it is important to not get so caught up in the moment that you lose sight of the fact that having sex with someone new is filled with all sorts of potential problems, like having a kid or getting herpes.

All it takes is maybe 10 seconds of awkward conversation. Sure, maybe you’ll kill the mood for a minute (or two), but so what? You’ll avoid weeks, maybe months, maybe more, of really awkward moments.