Video by Scott Haupenthal.
Through Victorian conservatism and post-modern feminism, female sexuality has been constantly evolving.
Where once a wide-eyed Britney Spears appeared unaware of her sexual objectification, Lady Gaga now commands it. Are we currently in a time where a woman can pursue sex for the sake of sex, or is society stuck in the the “stud vs. slut” dichotomy?
Jaclyn Friedman, a feminist writer, activist and speaker who co-edited the anthology “Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape,” explains that conventional gender roles that accompany sex are problematic because they perpetuate assumptions about female sexual desire.
“The typical idea is that girls want a relationship but they’re [settling for] hooking up,” Friedman said. “The idea that all girls want one thing from hooking up is silly.”
For both females and males, navigating sexual experiences and the double standard of sexuality is as much a part of the college experience as choosing a major or dealing with a roommate.
Casual sex, or what has been deemed the “hook-up culture,” has become synonymous with the college-age group, as evidenced by a litany of documentaries, books, magazine columns, websites and blogs devoted to the “epidemic” of casual sex. While it’s clear that older generations may not approve, the question is whether the negative stigma attached to casual sex, particularly as it applies to women, has lessened in the college environment.
On a hot afternoon in the Quarry Plaza, students offered diverse definitions of “casual sex.”
“Casual sex is sexual intercourse with no long-term goals or exclusivity,” a fourth-year male student said. “Key point is that it’s not exclusive, there’s no agreed-upon terms.”
“No ‘I love you.’ No ‘I want to be with you.’ Just kind of like hit it and quit it,” a second-year female said.
“I think it’s discouraged for girls and definitely encouraged for guys,” a fourth-year female said. “Because of double standards, it’s perceived as more acceptable for men to do that.”
Sexual options and preferences are by no means uniform. Nor are the challenges and obstacles faced by people of different sexual orientations and gender identities. Beyond different interpretations of casual sex, there is also abstinence, or reserving sex only for committed relationships, to name just a few of the paths people may choose to follow.
“What we even mean by ‘casual sex’ is incredibly diverse,” said Heather Corinna in an e-mail. Corinna is an author, activist and founder of the popular sex-ed website Scarleteen. “When I say it, what I mean is a sexual scenario in which someone is considering that outside of that scenario, there may not be any additional or resulting relationship … [but] the range of emotional experiences people have in those scenarios varies widely.”
However casual sex is defined, Generation X didn’t invent it, Friedman said.
“There is sort of a ‘kids these days’ sheen over these arguments,” Friedman said. “I really reject that.”
De-Stigmatizing a Double Standard
Despite the fact that casual sex has been around long before there were websites devoted to it, social cues that a woman can pursue sex for the sake of sex, and not be considered loose or promiscuous, are lacking in popular culture.
Friedman finds this problematic and insists that women can and should engage their sexuality freely, provided that is what they want and they take the necessary precautions.
“The assumption is that women can never want sex just because they want sex,” Friedman said. “All women are supposed to want is love and all men are supposed to want is sex and we have to trick [men] into loving us by withholding sex.”
Third-year Oakes student Zac Stein says he sees a distinction between women who enjoy sex and women who are overly promiscuous.
“The stigma is attached to girls because there’s this idea that women don’t enjoy sex, that that’s not what they’re interested in,” Stein said. “But there’s a difference between someone who has a lot of sex and someone who’s a slut and that’s the way that they themselves use sex. They don’t use sex as some kind of social gain.”
Second-year Cory Faust said that as a woman she also sees a distinction in how women treat casual sex.
“If you’re a mature adult and you make it clear that you’re in a relationship just to have casual sex, then I feel like society won’t necessarily perceive you as a slut,” Faust said. “But if you kind of get suckered into it and you don’t have control of the situation then that’s the ‘not OK’ side. That’s the slut side.”
The idea that girls “give it up” and guys are intent on “getting some” is also flawed, Friedman said, when applied to men and anyone who isn’t heterosexual.
“The idea that men are some sexual robotic atomic bombs is very insulting,” Friedman said. “It’s also completely heteronormative — how do queer people even have sex at all in this view?”
Risky Business
While sexual empowerment and equality for both women and men is a good thing, most agree that it cannot come without a heightened awareness of the physical and emotional risks attached to casual sex.
When it comes to casual sex and how it affects men and women differently, there is some evidence that suggests that women are more at risk for infection, particularly when they are the receivers of penetration.
This assumption is somewhat true, Corinna said, but problematic when viewed through a strictly heterosexual framework.
“Really, it’s not ultimately about gender but about types of sex,” Corinna said. “If a person is more frequently a receptive partner in sexual activities with entry … that person has greater health risks.”
Elizabeth Hyde, a nurse practitioner and the Patient Care Coordinator at the UCSC Student Health Center (SHC), disagrees. Anatomical differences are not reason enough to view the risks of casual sex differently for men and women, she said.
“There’s no difference,” Hyde said. “Both parties are equally at risk.”
When it comes to other physical aspects of keeping sex safe, college students in general know the facts and physical risks, Hyde said.
However, in Hyde’s experience there are several factors where most students run into trouble. Paramount among them are being under the influence of drugs and alcohol and being uncomfortable with expressing one’s sexual needs, she said.
“It’s almost never a lack of knowledge,” Hyde said. “I don’t ever have someone say to me, ‘I don’t know how to prevent an STI.’ What I experience is people that weren’t able to take that knowledge and put it into practice.”
Friedman said that alcohol and casual sex have a troublesome connection, particularly because so many sexual assaults are perpetrated under the influence of alcohol or other substances.
“When you’re getting yourself drunk to become willing to do something you wouldn’t do sober, that is absolutely emotionally toxic and dangerous,” Friedman said. “You’re basically overriding your own boundary.”
A national study of college students indicated that “75 percent of males and 55 percent of females involved in date rape had been drinking or using drugs prior to the assault,” according to the website of UC Berkeley’s Health Services.
On the emotional side of the risks, the idea that females suffer more from unattached casual sex isn’t necessarily true, Friedman said. She said openness with one’s partner about the expectations attached to any sexual encounter is key.
“The No. 1 predictor of a positive experience with casual sex is whether or not an individual wants to be in a relationship with the person they’re having casual sex with,” Friedman said. “It’s gender-neutral.”
Corinna said that an egalitarian view of sexual empowerment — that women can have sex simply because they want to — doesn’t necessarily mean that casual sex is a good idea for all women.
“What’s ‘smart’ or a good fit for one person of one large group emotionally, psychologically and interpersonally can be a terrible fit and not at all smart for another member of that same large group, because we’re all so diverse,” she said.
Friedman endorses “enthusiastic consent,” or the idea that the lack of a “no” during a sexual encounter does not actually indicate consent.
“One of the things that is important to do before you jump into bed with someone is ask them about their sexual history,” Friedman said. “You have to have an actual conversation with them. It has the added bonus of filtering out people that aren’t mature enough.”
An Agenda of Non-Judgement
Getting both men and women to be vocal and open about their sexual needs is no easy feat on a college campus.
“In our culture sex is so taboo,” said fourth-year Britanny Hoffman, who serves as the coordinator of the Condom Co-op on campus, “so having the knowledge and being able to talk about it will make it safer. I enjoy talking with people about sex and I think it’s totally natural.”
The Condom Co-op is part of the Student Health Outreach and Promotion office. SHOP works to dismantle the double standard by normalizing sexuality and provide an environment where it’s OK to talk openly about sexual needs, whatever they may be.
As part of her job, Hoffman coordinates the 70 student volunteers who staff the co-op in dining halls, the Quarry Plaza and other campus locations.
Hoffman said that her involvement with the co-op, which sells roughly 3,000 condoms per month to UCSC students, helps her take away the shame of sex and make sex safer for both men and women.
At the co-op, condoms cost $1 for eight and are sold with an openness and friendly manner, an alternative to the shroud of embarrassment that often comes with buying rubbers.
“OK, so four of the red and four of the turquoise,” says SHOP’s senior health educator Meg Kobe to a customer, animatedly referring to the 40 different varieties of condoms that are arranged in clear plastic tubs along the wall.
“If a person comes into our office wanting or needing something, who are we to judge them?” Kobe said. “We are a sex-positive office — we truly believe that every single person is a sexual being. When, and how, and even if you choose your sexuality is a personal choice.”
Third-year Anya Hunter is the SHOP education coordinator. In her efforts to organize campus events that promote sexual awareness and health, she often encounters students who have unhealthy relationships with their sexuality.
Open dialogue about sex makes it safer for women and men, she said.
“I’ve seen both ends of the spectrum, from girls that are embarrassed by sex or girls that use it as a power tool,” Hunter said. “Either one is kind of unhealthy. Sex is a natural thing. You don’t need to use it as a power tool or go crazy about it.”
SHOP and the Student Health Center work in close collaboration. Hyde said she does see a difference between casual sex and sex within a committed relationship, but she has no interest in judging students’ sexual practices, as long as they are informed about what they’re doing.
“I don’t find my colleagues judgmental about sexual practices at all,” Hyde said. “I think more often we find ourselves in situations where we’re struggling to help people feel more comfortable about negotiating safer sex.”
Last year, the SHC had over 2,000 visits related to sexually transmitted infections. Soon students will be able to get laboratory STI tests done after completing an anonymous online survey, with no need to see a doctor or clinician.
Hyde said that if the clinicians at the SHC do have an agenda, it is to promote open and frequent STI testing.
“There is no safe sex,” Hyde said bluntly. “Abstinence is safe, mutual masturbation holds less risk, but the term to use is safer sex. The bottom line is safer sex is best practiced when you put barriers between dangerous fluids.”
Friedman said that once the physical risks of sex are adequately addressed for both men and women, there should be no need for shame or judgment from other people.
“All of us being more free to have love relationships and sexual relationships on our own terms is a good thing,” Friedman said, “and I don’t think it can be argued to be bad as long as we’re being safe and honest with our partners.”
