Dear Laye Texx, 

My boyfriend recently discovered a love for pegging, and while I’m all for it, I just can’t keep up! it’s gotten to the point where even 4 times in a night just isn’t satisfying for him. I’m exhausted and have begun to turn down his requests, but it’s driving a wedge between us. What can I do???

Sincerely, Miss Peggy

Thank you so much for reaching out to the one and only Laye Texx with your pegging problems. I promised I would keep this as real, queer and as pleasurable as possible. And girl, might I say that this isn’t so much of a pegging problem, so much as it is a communication problem. 

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term “pegging,” it is a form of sexual activity involving anal penetration with a strap-on dildo. Pegging goes beyond traditional sexual gender roles. The act indicates that someone without a penis is performing anal sex with a consenting individual.  

If your man wants to get pegged, and it makes you feel good to be giving rather than receiving, then that’s great!

But I do emphasize that heavy are the hips that wear the strap. Sex is only pleasurable if your boundaries and needs are clear. Within any sexual relationship, it should always be communicated when you are willing to give versus when you would like to receive.

For instance, if I were to peg a partner multiple times in one night, and it wasn’t a form of power play, then I would feel the need to voice my concern with a, “Hey, I’m happy I get to make you feel good like this, but can we take a break?” Even if power play is your style, there’s nothing sexier than voicing your needs.

So if your boyfriend only wants to get pegged, and you’re just not up for it, you don’t have to justify that feeling. Don’t let his sexual needs take priority over yours.

Which brings to attention the flipside of this coin: masturbating and self pleasure. My hot take is that more couples should feel comfortable when their partner isn’t in the mood to have sex. Not only is it fucked up to pressure anyone into having sex, but why can’t your boyfriend take care of his needs himself? 

If you don’t feel up to pegging your boyfriend, Miss Peggy, that’s completely valid! But you should also feel comfortable enough in your relationship to say, “I’m actually not in the mood tonight, but you could always touch yourself instead.”As always, use this link to submit your questions, anxieties or things you’ve been fantasizing about.